Soooo Far Soooo God

My attempts at putting my thoughts down that seem so scattered yet i am convinced more than ever that God has put a fire and a desire to serve Him in my heart that cannot be quenched...as i repaste this testimony it is true now as it was 2 yrs ago... as it speaks of a journey that begun with a simple prayer...a song in my head and a desire in my heart to seek and to find my place in the world.....enjoy!!
It all started with a very innocent prayer that went somehow like this` God is this where I am supposed to be and is this what am supposed to be studying?’I was studying Eurythmy [an art of dance] and the background is an anthroposophical background that really used to go against my Christian beliefs and I was always asking God to give me the strength to block out what I needed to and to accommodate what I needed to but the beginning of March things started getting very deep [content wise-getting more into new age beliefs and spiritualism] and I started feeling that I needed to do something drastic.Twas really an awkward feeling coz I was on a bursary/scholarship and I didn’t want to sound or be considered ungrateful plus I was on my 3rd yr so all the odds were against me but I was not comfy, I was not happy [and yes all that infection on my face was because of all the stress that I was going through!] but I felt guilty that I was not happy.. cz of all the good things that my former college had done for me and the fact that I was only one and a half yrs away frm completing my degree.I consulted various pple whose opinion I really value regarding the whole anthroposophical movement and we felt that it was very important that I was realising the effect of what I was studying on my beliefs and that if I felt that something was wrong it was because Gods spirit in me was deeply at work within and telling me it was time for a change.2nd term was the hardest coz I was in class physically but not in class fully. I could walk in class and just go with the flow not wanting to be there but feeling that I had no choice, and I also did not want to think abt the consequences of leaving which I knew were severe. I think I was really scared! I felt did not have the right to move from there even though I was unhappy and my spirit was being in constant battle with other `forces` which are definitely encouraged in the anthroposophical movement. I was also feeling that I was being unfaithful to God by being where His power was being constantly undermined and overlooked [Me again wanting to fight for God……..].Quite a contrast in feelings here but I was at crossroads; I didn’t know where to go or what to do.Anyway, one evening service I was at church and during worship I just heard God telling me that I don’t have to do anything for Him for Him to love me more….He just loves me and then He told me that I have to leave my college…frankly that was what I wanted to hear but the implications of it all was quite huge so I wanted to have that voice confirmed and it was by 3 other pple who had no idea that God had just spoken to me, and also my dear cell grp members prayed with me and were holding me up in prayer and we felt that leaving was the best move to make. During June/July holidays I went for a mission and one of the reasons I went was to really spend time with God and hear what He was saying and also to test my calling which is community work. Plus I wanted to see more of SA!! I really enjoyed being there and really enjoyed getting in touch with people who have a desire to serve God and also saw hw different pple serve God in diff ways and also touched base with reality and also open my eyes to the needs that other pple have and also to realise that most needs that pple have are the same everywhere and we need to do our best and alleviate them as God leads us to. But one thing was for sure there was no way I was coming frm such a mission trip and go back to my classes as if nothing happened. Twas a confirmation on my part that my calling in life is to try and help make peoples lives better by being a voice of reason and hope and also to share my knowledge and skill. I therefore needed to get the right education and also the right backing for the next phase in my life and so I really felt that what I needed to do at the moment was get the right type of education and Eurythmy was nowhere near that.On our way back home frm the mission we spent one whole day praying for the mission team members regarding our different circumstances [the longest prayers I have ever done……] and listening to what God was saying in their life situations at the time, in my part God was just confirming what He had told me earlier; There was a strong sense of me stepping out of my college by faith and God providing for me along the way…but I had to step out first.This was a week before 3rd term begun and I had to tell my school director ASAP abt my decision. I was petrified at the thought and it did not help that she was not in school for the whole week she only came on the Friday and she had back to back meetings so I could only see her I the evening. I was a nervous wreck by the time I saw her and surprisingly she was really good, even though she was quite sad and disappointed that I had gone this far and had to give up but she understood my predicament but she was also quick to remind me of the repercussions of my decision. I was to move out of college residence [she gave me time to find a new place to stay] and I had to pay back all the money that I owed.The next big hurdle was to talk to my lecturer abt it [I had informed my lecturers of my growing uneasiness with what they were teaching at the end of 2nd term so hopefully it would not come as a rude shock.]And I also needed to break the news to my classmates [we were a class of less than 10 pple so we were quite close knit]. I had the whole weekend to figure out what I would say but the school director had already informed my lecturer’s abt my decision I had a meeting with the person in charge of finances in the college and I was given the low-down of what I owed the college [and its not a meagre amount] we decided that I should pay a certain amount a mth and I was like……..ok God u told me that I was to get out of this college I have done it and u know that there is no way in my strength that am able to afford paying this amount and up and till now God has been faithful I have been able to pay up by the first of every mth by giving me jobs out of the blue and by also sending pple to help me pay .The next big thing was to find a place to say and yeah………..am so excited to say this cz God provided an awesome family who took me in with whom am learning A LOT abt giving and being a practical Christian. They have welcomed me as one of their own and treating me as a daughter and for the first time since I came to SA I feel at home and I feel really loved. They have encouraged me to grow and to trust Gods calling upon my life and hw to trust God and let go of fickle fears completely and not give up and push hard [esp with Home affairs pple and Moneygram officials!!!].They have taught me what loving is and I can say that I truly see how a Christian family runs frm their example.I really praise God for that.The other thing was for me to get admitted into college and am proud to tell u guys that I have got admission and residence to Cornerstone Christian College. I will be studying community devpt and lil bit of psychology – with this I would like to thank Christ Church esp. John Mcpetrie and John Atkinson for all the support and encouragement that they have given me and all that they are still doing for me….thanks a lot and God bless u richly.I would love to just thank all of u who have been praying with me and for me and who have encouraged me to do the impossible. All those who have supported me in cash and in kind.Thanks to my cell grp for all the emotional and prayer support, thanks to some of u who I have called on at weird hrs of the night just to cry cz I was too overwhelmed and scared, thanks to Frik and Sue Labuschagne for praying with me[and offering me a place to stay ] while I was at the mission and thanks to the mission team to Tylden for all that prayer and all that I learnt during that mission trip.Thanks to everyone at Christ Church who I have talked to and who have just encouraged me to hold on and to not give up.Thanks to my friends on the net for all ua constant encouragement and all the love u guys are awesome!!!Thanks to my mentor for standing with me and guiding me through all those hard decisions and reminding me that am IN the Potters Hands and that I should be ready to be moulded………..and reminding me abt patience.Thanks to God for loving me and for being with me as I stepped out of my comfort zones and quickly found out that I was landing straight into His outstretched arms…Love u lots God!!!Am looking forward to next yr….to learning new things meeting new pple and to getting equipped in readiness for doing Gods work.God bless u all…………….